This is an R-rated excerpt from Ain't Too Proud To Beg. While Vaughn is recovering from the accident, he sends his best friend and his wife on a mission...
Shontae reluctantly agreed to go with me on Saturday to purge Vaughn’s condo of anything incriminating before the temporary tenants moved in. She tried her best to get me to handle the search and recover mission alone, but I refused. I couldn’t imagine doing that alone. It just seemed too nasty.
We got off the elevator on the eighteenth floor of The Grand condominiums, which had been V’s home for the past two years. “I can’t believe I let him talk me into this,” I grumbled, opening the front door with the extra key he’d given me then disarmed the security system on the wall in the foyer.
“Every time I see this place, it takes my breath away,” Shontae said with tangible envy as we entered the living room. “Vaughn has such great taste.” She gave the room an admiring scan then plopped down on the white leather sectional and spread her arms along the back of the sofa.
“You know he didn’t do this himself. He hired a decorator.”
“I know, but the final result is definitely him. This room alone screams Vaughn. Understated flashiness. Modern style, lean lines, and shades of chocolate. Hard in some places and soft in others,” she said, tapping the black octagonal table with her toe and hugging a fur pillow. And those could be his dimples.” She pointed up at the twin circular chandeliers from which fine crystal strands cascaded.
Her gift for description always blew me away. ”Baby, you are definitely a writer, and you know a little too much about my boy.” Shontae was right though. The place was off the chain. The floor-to-ceiling windows in each room offered a spectacular view of L.A. That’s how I knew the real estate agent wouldn’t have a problem renting it.
We entered the master bedroom, and I walked over to the bed and opened one of the drawers in the base of his king-size platform bed. “Well, you might take that back once you see that the good taste ends here.” I’d laughed when she insisted we bring disposable rubber gloves, but once we saw with our own eyes the nature of his collection, I changed my mind.
She edged up beside me and peered down into the abyss. “Oh, my God. What is all that? I’ve never even seen some of those things before.”
“From the way V explained it, this is just the tip of the iceberg.
I nodded. “A lot more. What do you think the guest room is for?”
Shontae wrinkled her nose and shuddered. “It’s glove time. I’ll hold the bag, and you can put this stuff in. Just don’t let it touch me.”
I took the larger pair of opaque disposable gloves she extended in my direction, and then she put on the smaller pair.
My wife and I shared a few questioning looks and a couple of astounded laughs while I dropped what seemed to be an endless array of gadgets and toys into the heavy gauge black trash bag.
“What is that? It looks like a mini-fire extinguisher.” Shontae gave the fluorescent glow-in-the-dark gadget a long visual examination.
“It’s a penis pump. Using it is supposed to make you bigger and harder.”
“Ohh.” She poked at a double dildo with a gloved finger as if it were a dead animal. What the heck is this thing used for?” She tilted her head to the left and then to the right to see if looking at it from a different angle might give her a clue.
“I think you both use it at the same time.”
“So one end goes in…eew!” The device dropped from her gloved hands. “Let’s hurry up and get out of here. I’m having visions that might keep me awake for days.”
Imagining the scenarios during which V used these devices had given me a monstrous hard-on, and I knew Shontae wasn’t going to give me any here in the middle of the Breland Circus of Sexual Delights. “Since you’re going to be awake, maybe I’ll keep you company.” I placed the last items into the bag. “Come on, let’s get this over with.” We approached the closed guest room door with trepidation and opened it as if it might be wired for explosives and stood open-mouthed once the door was fully open.
“Oh, my God! Fifty Shades of Breland,” Shontae whispered. “This looks like some kind of gymnastic training facility. Did you know he had all of this?”
“Not to this extent. You know V, he mentions things in passing. To him sex is just a sport, and he’s training for the gold.”
Shontae glanced around at the colorful array of satin blindfolds, fur handcuffs, and fringed leather whips then tiptoed up to a harness-type swing suspended from the ceiling. I could almost see the wheels turning in her head while she made a slow circle around the apparatus.
“Could be fun, don’t you think, baby?” The wink I sent her brought a devious smile to her face.
“Wanna try it?”
Her expression quickly changed to a scowl. “I’d love to try it, but I can only imagine who’s been in that thing.”
“We could test it out with our clothes on, just to see how it works.”
“It has great possibilities, but don’t you think we should wait until I don’t have this belly anymore? It could be dangerous, and we don’t want to end up having a Khloe and Lamar moment,” she said, referring to the unintentionally comical viral video of the K sister and her NBA star now ex-husband’s sex swing mishap.
“I’d better get started taking these things apart.”
I completed my handyman duties in a little less than an hour. “Let me call V and find out if there’s anything else we need to liberate.”
Shontae studied the view while I made the call. “Bad news,” I said once I put the phone back into my pocket. “V said I should check the bathroom too.”
“Are you kidding? Oh, Devon, he needs an intervention.”
“I hate to admit it, but I think you’re right.” She followed me into the bathroom, which had a sunken tub big enough to hold four adults and glanced down at the dozen candles in clear glass containers around the perimeter of the circular tub.” This must be fabulous at night when all of these are lit.”
Vaughn’s water toys were in the closet where he said they’d be. I tossed them into the goody bag, which Shontae carried while I lugged two boxes of dismantled parts to the elevator then to the curb. I waited there for her to bring the car around from the garage.
“Vaughn had better realize what a good friend you are. Not everyone would’ve done this.”
I leaned over and kissed her. “Let’s get out of here and go have some lunch.”
“Good idea. I feel like I need a shower first.” She shuddered. After we’d ridden for a few minutes, she asked, “Do you think Vaughn will ever settle down?”
I shrugged. “Who knows? She’d have to be one extraordinary woman. His whole life has been about the numbers. I don’t know if he could handle monogamy.”